9 sneaky ways your partner is trying to change you!

9 signs your partner is trying to change you!

In relationships, we’re partners to help each other learn new things and grow stronger.

Sometimes, that means we might gently suggest ways to do things a little differently.

Well, if your partner is acting more like a pushy coach than a supportive teammate, you’d probably have a talk with them and let them know how you feel about it.

Maybe you could work together to find a better balance.

What if, instead of cheering you on, they keep pointing out mistakes or giving advice that feels more like orders?

This can be confusing!

You may wonder if you’re ever good enough or if there’s something wrong with the way you are.

But a good teammate loves you for who you are already, not who they think you should be!

Yet, sometimes, without even meaning to, people in relationships keep suggesting changes for each other.

That’s okay sometimes—we all grow and learn together! 

However, if your partner’s advice feels like they’re trying to turn you into someone different, it can be a red flag.

If you’re feeling like your partner is trying to change you in a sneaky way, here are nine signs to watch out for.

Knowing these signs can help you maintain a healthy and happy relationship!

Let’s explore those sneaky ways!

1. Constant criticism masquerading as “helpful advice”

In a healthy relationship, constructive feedback is key to personal growth and improvement. However, when your partner constantly criticizes you under the guise of offering helpful advice, it may be a red flag that they are trying to change you.

This can manifest in nitpicking and fault-finding comments that make you feel inadequate or unappreciated.

Keep an eye out for this behavior.

Does your partner always have ideas on how you could do things differently, even if you haven’t asked?

Maybe they say your clothes aren’t quite right, or your hobbies seem a little boring.

Remember, a true teammate loves you for who you are already, not who they think you should be!

They should be cheering you on, not giving you a never-ending list of “nice” ways to be different.

In relationships, we sometimes give tips to help each other improve—that’s great! 

But what if your partner keeps giving advice that feels less like a helpful hand and more like they’re trying to change you?

Now let’s move on to the next sign to look at.

2. Making decisions for you without consulting you

Both people in a relationship should be able to have an equal say in choices that affect their lives.

But what if your partner makes choices for you without asking?

It could mean your partner feels something and is trying to change you in a sneaky way.

This can manifest in things like the clothes you wear, the people you hang out with, or even the place where you work.

Pay attention to these paltry attempts to control you, and make sure you have your own space in the relationship.

Being in a relationship means working together. Notice whether your partner makes independent decisions without your input.

Does your partner keep making plans or buying things for both of you without talking about it first?

Maybe they book a vacation you wouldn’t choose or buy furniture you don’t like.

Remember, a good teammate sees you as part of the team! Thus, before making big decisions, they should check in with you, not just swipe the card or say “surprise!”

It’s normal for couples to give each other suggestions sometimes, but what if your partner often acts like your coach for how you look and behave?

Stay tuned for the next sign.

3. Trying to control your appearance or behavior

A sign that they’re trying to change you in a sneaky way is when they constantly criticize or nitpick your appearance or behavior.

This could include comments about your weight, clothing choices, or how you speak or act in social settings.

These subtle jabs can erode your self-confidence and make you feel like you do not look as good as you are.

Does your partner keep giving you ideas about how you should dress or behave, even if you feel comfortable the way you are?

Maybe they say your clothes aren’t cool enough, or the things you like to do aren’t very fun. Remember, on a good team, everyone gets to be themselves!

Your partner should not attempt to change you into someone else; rather, they should love you unconditionally.

4. Gaslighting and manipulating your emotions

Sometimes, in relationships, we might say things that confuse our partner. That’s okay. We can all learn to talk better!

But what if your partner says or does things that make you question your own memory or feelings? Maybe they’re trying to turn you into someone new?

Gaslighting and manipulating your emotions are common tactics used by partners who want to change you in a sneaky way.

Gaslighting makes you question your own reality, beliefs, or sanity. This can lead to confusion, insecurity, and ultimately a shift in your behavior to align with what the partner wants.

Manipulating your emotions involves using guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, or playing mind games to control how you feel and act.

This can make you question yourself and cater more to pleasing your partner than being true to yourself.

Does your partner ever say you said or did something you know you didn’t?

Maybe they make you feel forgetful or confused about what happened.

Never imagine that a good teammate would make you feel less than confident in your own abilities.

If your partner dismisses or belittles your opinions and ideas, it may be a sign that they are trying to mold you into someone who aligns more closely with their own beliefs and values.

5. Isolating you from friends and family

Being a couple means spending time together, but it also means having fun with other people, too!

What if your partner often makes it hard for you to see your friends and family?

Isolating you from friends and family is a clear sign of a controlling partner who tries to change you in a sneaky way.

They may start by creating a distance between you and your loved ones, making it difficult for you to maintain strong relationships outside of the relationship.

This can make you more dependent on them for emotional support and validation, giving them more control over your thoughts and behaviors.

Your partner may suggest that your friends and family are not good influencers or that they don’t really care about you.

May your partner subtly discourage you from spending time with them or manipulate situations so that you prioritize your partner’s needs over those of your loved ones?

Does your partner always want to do things together, even when you want to hang out with your best friends or family?

Maybe they complain about your plans or make you feel bad for wanting some “you” time.

If you feel like your relationships with friends and family are suffering because of your partner’s influence, it’s time to take a step back and assess the situation objectively.

Remember, healthy relationships should enhance all aspects of our lives—including our connections with others—rather than diminish them under the guise of love or concern.

An excellent partner wants you to be happy, and that includes spending time with the people who make you smile!

They shouldn’t try to turn your relationship into a one-person team.

6. Withholding affection or love as punishment

Sometimes in relationships, we might be grumpy with each other, but that’s okay! But what if your partner acts all cold and distant when they’re unhappy with you?

Withholding affection or love as punishment is a manipulative tactic some partners use to change their significant other.

Initially, you might notice subtle indications, such as their ignoring you or refraining from physical contact when they are dissatisfied with you.

This behavior may escalate over time, leading to greater emotional withdrawals and serving as a weapon in arguments.

This form of emotional manipulation is damaging to any relationship as it creates an imbalance of power and control.

Partners who engage in this behavior try to mold you into someone who fits their ideal image rather than accepting you for who you are.

It’s important to recognize these early warning signs before they lead to more serious issues within the relationship.

Does your partner seem to stop showing you love and affection when they’re mad at you? Maybe they stop cuddling, holding hands, or saying nice things.

Remember, a good teammate shows they love you no matter what, even when you mess up. They don’t use hugs and kisses, like treats, to change you!

True love accepts us for who we are, so people should never feel pressured to change themselves just to please someone else.

7. Using guilt or shame to make you feel bad about yourself

Sometimes, in relationships, we might accidentally make each other feel a little down.

But what if your partner keeps doing things that make you feel bad about yourself?

Even if they didn’t mean to?

One common tactic is using guilt or shame to make you feel bad about yourself. Your partner constantly criticizes or belittles you, making you question your worth and capabilities.

Does your partner ever act upset when you do something you enjoy?

Maybe they pout or sigh when you hang out with a friend, or they act grumpy when you choose your favorite movie.

They may also manipulate situations to make you feel guilty for things that are not actually your fault.

These tactics can lead to a decrease in self-esteem and confidence, as well as feelings of inadequacy.

Remember, a devoted partner feels happy for you and the things that make you smile. They do not make you feel sad about who you are or who you’re not!

In our next outline, stay tuned for more signs of your partner’s sneaky attempts to change you!

8. Ignoring your boundaries and personal space

Just like on the playground, everyone needs a little space to breathe in a relationship.

But what if your partner often forgets all about your personal space, or perhaps even ignores the boundaries you set?

In a healthy relationship, respecting each other’s boundaries and personal space is crucial.

Does your partner seem to want to be with you all the time, even when you need some time alone?

When your partner starts repeatedly ignoring your boundaries and constantly invading your personal space, it could be a sign that they are trying to change you in a sneaky way.

For example, if your partner often checks your phone or social media accounts without your permission or constantly interrupts you when you’re talking or spending time alone, it could be a red flag.

They may try to justify their actions by claiming that they are only protective or concerned about you, but in reality, they are attempting to control and manipulate you. 

Ignoring your boundaries can also manifest in more subtle ways.

They can make one-sided decisions without consulting you first or pressuring you into doing things that make you uncomfortable.

Your partner may try to dismiss your feelings and opinions under the guise of knowing what’s best for you.

Overall, if you feel like your partner is encroaching on your boundaries and personal space without caring about how it makes you feel, it’s time to openly address this issue with them.

It may also be time to reassess the dynamic between you and determine if changes are necessary.

Remember, a good teammate respects your little space and also understands when you need some time for yourself!

9. Making you feel like you’re never good enough

Relationships are all about teamwork, right? We help each other learn and grow, and sometimes that means we might point out ways to improve.

Often, we might feel like we can do it better. That’s okay!

But what if your partner keeps pointing out your mistakes in a way that makes you feel sad and like you’ll never be good enough?

Does your teammate always seem to find something wrong? Maybe you try your best on a project, and they still have something to say.

This kind of behavior can be a sneaky way your partner is trying to change you.

They might not even realize they’re doing it, but it can damage your confidence and make you feel like you’re constantly walking on brittle ground.

A true partner is there to catch you when you stumble and celebrate with you when you succeed. They don’t constantly point out your mistakes in a way that makes you feel down.

Therefore, pay attention to these indicators.

Keep in mind that you are phenomenal in your current state; your colleague should appreciate and encourage you for who you truly are rather than for what they perceive you to be.

Is your partner trying to change you in a sneaky way? The bottom line!

In good relationships, we work together as a team. But if your partner acts like a boss and wants to change you, that’s when problems may arise.

It can be confusing and hurtful when your partner uses underhanded tactics to mold you into someone different.

We’ve explored nine sneaky signs your partner is trying to change you:

Passive-aggressive communication

Instead of talking things out, they might use sarcasm, silence, or backhanded compliments to express their displeasure.

Guilt trips

They might exaggerate slight mistakes or bring up past wrongs to make you feel obligated to do what they want.

Unrealistic expectations

They might set impossible standards and make you feel like you’re never good enough.

Controlling behavior

This could involve monitoring your phone calls and messages, checking your mail, or invading your privacy in other ways.

Making you feel like you’re never good enough

They might constantly criticize you, even when you’re trying your best.

Strive to create distance between you and your loved ones

They might try to limit your contact with loved ones so that they can control your life more easily.

Withholding affection or love as a punishment

This is a manipulative tactic to make you feel bad and comply with their wishes.

Using guilt or shame to make you feel bad about yourself.

Similar to guilt trips, they might use your insecurities to manipulate you.

Neglecting your boundaries and personal space

Your partner may disregard physical or emotional boundaries.

In the most extreme cases, some partners might even resort to physical harm in a sneaky way. After that, they might act like they care about you, gain your trust, and make you do what they want.

Healthy relationships thrive on trust, respect, and open communication.

If you’re experiencing any of these signs, it’s crucial to address them with your partner. Talk openly and honestly about how their behavior makes you feel.

If they’re unwilling to listen or change, it might be time to seek professional help or consider if the relationship is healthy for you.

Remember, you deserve love and acceptance for being yourself, not for who someone else desires you to be. Don’t let your partner dull your shine!